This is really important, especially now during the holidays. You owe nothing to nobody if they make you uncomfortable.
You’re always allowed to leave.
This is really comforting to read and I’m going to need to like, write this down a few times out to memorize it because this isn’t something I want to let myself forget
ID
start.
Tweet
thread by Erynn Brook @ ErynnBrook that says:
I
want to tell you a story about how my mum taught me that I’m
allowed to leave an uncomfortable situation.
I
was maybe 7, I think it was my first sleepover at someone else’s
house. I don’t remember the girl’s name. But before I left Mum
told me that if I was uncomfortable an any point, for any reason,
even if it was in the middle of the night, I could call her.
She
was very clear. She said even if her parents have gone to bed I want
you to knock on their bedroom door and ask to use the phoen. I could
call her even if it was late. And if her parents didn’t answer the
door to just go find the phone and call her anyway.
She
said it doesn’t matter what time it is, you won’t be in trouble
and I’ll come get you.
I
think I was being teased about something. It definitely wasn’t just
I can’t sleep, there was something social going on. But that’s
what I did.
The
girl’s mom tried to discourage me. She said it was late, I said my
mum didn’t care. She said I could sleep on the couch. I said I
wanted to go home. She said I was upsetting her daughter, I said she
was mean to me.
I
remember holding the phone and my mum answered. I said “hi Mum.”
She say “you want me to come get you?” I said “yes pleas.”
She said “ask her Mum to help you pack up your things and get your
coat on. I’ll be right there.”
And
my mum showed up on her doorstep in pajama pants and a coat. The
girl’s mum kept apologizing for me calling, my mum put up a hand
and said “don’t apologize for my daughter. I want her to know
she’s allowed to leave and I’ll be there for her at any time.”
I
remember the little crowd of sleepover girls huddled in the far
doorway that led to the bedrooms, watching all of this confused and
silent. And I remember that mom apologizing. She didn’t seem to
know what to say after my mum asked her to stop.
I
had more incidents like that as I grew up. My mum did a lot around
boundaries with me. I remember her marching me down the street to
another girl’s house to ask for an apology in front of her parents.
I
remember her telling 3 friends to sit in the front room with their
bags packed while they waited for their parents to come get them,
after I had told them all to “get out of my house” for teasing me
and bullying me.
I
remember her coaching me through a speech on how to resign and leave
from a hostile work environment when I was in the middle of nowhere
at a camp for the summer, and she offered money to get a cab to pick
me and my friends up.
I
can’t say I’ve always followed by gut on boundaries and
discomfort. I can’t say I’ve never swallowed it in order to make
others comfortable. But I can say what she taught me was important.
It was and still is radical.
It’s
radical to have boundaries. And to exercise them. Three things I
think were really really important in what she did:
1. She
always explicitly said “you can leave if you want to.”
2.
She never questioned why, or whether I was overreacting.
3. She
showed up.
But
I think a lot about the girl’s mum apologizing and how … that’s
the norm, actually. What my mum taught me was radical, what that
girl’s mum was teaching was the norm. “Just deal with it, don’t
trouble anyone, go back to sleep, it’ll be over soon, don’t ruin
it.”
And
I still get that message from a lot of places. But my mum taught me
that I’m allowed to leave.
I
see what a privilege that is as an adult. For some people, for some
situations, there is no way out. But sometimes, also, we don’t
leave because we think we’re not allowed.
So,
just in case no one ever told you (or you need a reminder) [in all
caps] you are allowed to leave. [end caps]
You
can leave a date, a party, a job, a meeting a commitment. You are
allowed. If you’re worried about keeping your word remember that
your boundaries are also your word, your integrity.
I
wanted to tell this story because the message to stay to make others
comfortable is so pervasive, that without actively teaching me that
I’m allowed to leave, that’s what I would’ve absorbed.
Hell,
I absorbed a lot of it anyway. As an adult, at that camp job, I
remember her on the phone saying, “what do you want to do?” And
not knowing, until she said, “do you want to leave?” And I said
“can I?” She said, “You can always leave. What do you need so
you can leave?”
So
if you’re a person like me, who was taught that you’re allowed to
leave, keep an eye out for those who weren’t. They may need the
reminder. They may need to hear that it’s okay. They may need help.
And keep telling yourself that you are allowed. You’re allowed to
leave.
Wow
this is really taking off! Before it goes too far I want to say: I’m
seeing this being gendered and while I am a woman and my mother is a
woman there’s no gender on this message. I understand the impulse
to teach your daughters but please teach all children.
The
second reblog is a screenshot of the part of the thread that says:
You can leave a date, a party, a job, a meeting a commitment. You are
allowed. If you’re worried about keeping your word remember that
your boundaries are also your word, your integrity.
Revue Starlight is great because it finally gives us an accurate depiction of theatre kids. That being talented, gay, extra, and above all Dumb of Ass. Like, who could forget such classics as…
Hikari: Today I shall lead my crush on a six-hour-long easter egg hunt through all the aquariums in Tokyo, because I am currently feeling a bit miffed.
—
Kaoruko: I just realized I can’t rely on natural talent alone, and my basically girlfriend is consorting with someone else more than me!
Kaoruko: I have no other choice. I must abandon my life and run away to the countryside!
Kaoruko: (But just until Futaba stops me. Which I know she will.)
Futaba: *Proceeds to run away from school and stop her like they’re in a romcom or some shit*
And none of the faculty ever try to stop them.
–
Claudine: And this is my rival, Tendo Maya.
Maya: I’m just in it for when Claudine tilts my chin up with the flat of her sword, forcing us to look into each others’ eyes. Her gaze is flustered, exhaustion clear after the course of our strife, but with determination burning bright above all else. She leans in- to taunt, perhaps? Or… I respond in turn. Closer, closer… Our noses almost touch, and I can feel her breath hot with exertion. Could it be..? All at once, her sword flashes out of my gaze. I snap back into reality, just in time to parry a blow to my cape. Claudine huffs, I smirk, and we resume our dance of swords.
probably the Salish Wool Dog, which was a pure-white and absolutely ludicrously fluffy type of dog bred and kept by the Salish peoples of the coastal Pacific Northwest!
they were sheared yearly like sheep and their fur was dyed and used to make intricate blankets and other products for trade and export- until Europeans arrived with cheap sheep’s wool and gradually destroyed the market for Salish wool products.
the last Salish Wool Dog died in the early 1900’s and the breed is now completely lost.
why do the seals pulls their heads into their body’s?? is it for warmth?? is it just to be cute ??? also. what do their neck bones look like? do they have bones ?!!?! do the bones stretch ?!?!
the ever-adorable Seal Neck Scrunch is a pretty unique feature to seals, but they don’t actually need any special equipment to pull it off!
see, like all mammals, seals have the traditional seven neck vertebrae, but their necks ARE surprisingly long!
but we don’t notice this in practice, because the natural resting position of a seal neck is in sort of an “s” shape:
this makes the seal neck look shorter than it really is, but their RIDICULOUSLY thick layer of blubber smooths their neck into a streamlined shape no matter what position the neck bones are in!
so when a seal has it’s neck “in” and has entered Blob Mode, basically their actual neck is all coiled up in there like a heron’s:
and when the neck is “out”, the seal has just extended it to its actual length:
you can actually see this happening in motion if you know what to look for! THERE’S BONES MOVING IN THERE.
cats eye holes are so damn big, frankly, because the eyeballs that go in them are also, just so damn big.
cats can see perfectly well using a mere sixth of the light a human needs to make out objects clearly, and this impressive ability requires BIG pupils that can collect a LOT of light, which means that cats need a big ol’ pair of peepers to pull this feat off!
so the next time Fluffy goes and bonks her head affectionately on your arm just try REAL HARD not to think about how there’s a pair of eyeballs the size of walnuts bonking around in that lil noggin.
yes! my favorites are The Tiger and the unnamed werewolf fridge poem
for context these are the poems
also I almost forgot but the r/ambien Gives Us The Sleep post takes a completely serious third place in my favorite poems list:
and COMING HOT at NUMBER FOUR on my list, it’s Fragment 147! an accidental poem created when the original parchment containing a text by Sappho was used to stop a wine jug more than 2,000 years ago- eventually the wine dissolved most of the parchment, leaving just a few words and BOY do they prove that the Universe has a sense of irony.
My i recommend the cat that ate the ball of yarn and all her kittens were born wearing sweaters? (Sorry i cant find it at the moment)
no sorry my favorite Slightly Ridiculous Poem is O , The Pe Lican
these fuckers take their snooze all together as a group, floating vertically in the water column around fifty feet down. we think that they’re the only whales that do this, and they can only pull it off because they’re the only large whale that spends their entire lives in a group!
most whales are lonely creatures, speeding through the deep blue sea solo except at certain times of the year- and that means that these whales have to use the dolphin method if they want to catch some Z’s, turning half their brain off at a time and leaving the other half to pilot their body slowly through the water and watch out for predators. and, uh, also to remember to breathe. that’s important.
sounds extremely unrestful, actually. can we introduce these poor guys to the concept of memory foam?
somebody call tempur-pedic and ask if they make a size XXXXXXXL.
but anyway, if you’re lucky enough to be born a sperm whale, you don’t have to do that!
sperm whales are able to enter a much deeper rest state than any other known cetacean, much closer to the traditional mammal deep snooze. they float vertically in the water and keep just enough of their brains on to swim up when they need to breathe, but other than that it’s light’s out for these snoozeville boys.
and the reason for this is very simple, yet profound- who the FUCK is going to pick a fight with a sperm whale pod?
when you spend your entire life hanging with a couple dozen of your closest friends, all of whom are 60-80 feet in length and weigh more than three school buses stacked on top of each other, you get to learn what the term “safety in numbers” really means.
My obsession grew. It was like an infection or a cancer. You don’t know it’s in you until the moment it starts to cause you pain. There was this shrill little voice inside me, plaguing me.
